Congratulations. You have purchased an Anthrax/2000 Multimedia 615X Personal Computer with Digital Doo- Dah Enhancer. It will give years of faithful service, if you ever get it up and running. Also included with your PC is a bonus pack of pre-installed software - Lawn Mowing Planner, Mr. ArtyFarty, Blank Screen Saver, and East Africa Route Finder - which will provide hours of pointless diversion while using up most of your computer's spare memory. So turn the page and let's get started!
Getting ready: Congratulations. You have successfully turned the page and are ready to proceed. (Important meaningless note: the Anthrax/2000 is configured to use 80386, 214J10 or higher processors running at 2,472 hertz on variable speed spin cycle. Check your electrical installations and insurance policies before proceeding. Do not tumble dry.) To prevent internal heat build-up, select a cool, dry environment for your computer. The bottom shelf of a refrigerator is ideal. Unpack the box and examine its contents. (Warning: Do not open box if contents are missing or faulty as this will invalidate your warranty. Return all missing contents in their original packaging with a note explaining where they have gone and a replacement will be dispatched to you within 12 working months.) The contents of the box should include some of the following: monitor with mys-terious De Gauss button; keyboard with 2 1/2 inches of flex; computer unit; mis-cellaneous wires and cables not necessarily designed for this model; 2,000-page Owner's Manual; Short Guide to the Owner's Manual; Quick Guide to the Short Guide to the Owner's Manual; Laminated Super-Kwik Set-Up Guide for People Who Are Exceptionally Impatient or Stupid; 1,167 pages of warranties, vouchers, notices in Spanish, and other loose pieces of paper; 292 cubic feet of styrofoam packing material.
Something They Didn't Tell You In The Shop: Because of the additional power needs of the pre-installed bonus software, you will need an Anthrax/2000 auxiliary unit for the memory capacitator, 2,500 mega-gigabytes of additional memory for the oscillator, and an electrical substation.
Setting Up: Congratulations. You are ready to set up. If you have not yet acquired a degree in electrical engineering, now is the time to do so. Connect the monitor cable (A) to the portside outlet unit (D); attach power off-load unit sub-orbiter (Xii) to the co-axial AC/DC servo channel (G); plug three-pin mouse cable into keyboard housing unit (make extra hole if necessary); connect modem (B2) to offside parallel audio! video lineout jack. Switch the computer on. Your hard drive will then download. (Allow three to five days.) When downloading is complete, your screen will say:'Yeah, what?'
Now it is time to install your software. Insert Disk A (marked 'Disk D' or 'Disk G') into Drive Slot B or J, and type. 'Hello! Anybody home?' At the DOS command prompt, enter your Licence Verification Number. Your Licence Verification Number can be found by entering your Certified User Number, which can be found by entering your Licence Verification Number. If you are unable to find your Licence Verification or Certified User numbers, call the Software Support Line for assistance. (Please have your Licence Verification and Certified User numbers handy as the support staff cannot otherwise assist you.)
If you have not yet committed suicide, then insert Installation Diskette 1 in Drive Slot 2 (or vice versa) and follow the instructions on tour screen. (Note: Owing to a software modification, some instructions will appear in Romanian.) At each prompt, reconfigure the specified file path, double click on the button launch icon, select a single equation default file from the macro selection register, insert the VGA graphics card in the rear aerofoil, and type 'C:\>' followed by the birthdates of all the people you have ever known. Your screen will now say: 'Invalid file path. Whoa! Abort or continue?' Selecting Continue' will result in irreversible file compression, permanent loss of memory and a default overload in the hard drive. Selecting 'Abort' will require you to start again. Obviously, select 'Continue'. When the smoke has cleared, insert disk A2 (marked 'Disk Al') and repeat as directed with each of the 187 other disks.
When installation is complete, return to file path, and type your name, address and credit card numbers, and press 'Send'. This will automatically register you and allow us to pass your name to lots of computer magazines, on-line services and other commercial enterprises, which will be getting in touch shortly. Congratulations. You are now ready to use your computer. Here are some simple exercises to get you off to a flying start.
Writing a Letter: Type 'Dear' and follow it with a name of someone you know. Write a few lines about yourself, and then write, 'Sincerely yours', followed by your own name. Congratulations.
Saving a File: To save your letter, select File Menu. Choose Retrieve from SubDirectory A, enter a backup file number and place an insertion point beside the macro dialogue button. Select secondary text box from the merge menu, and double click on the supplementary cleared documentary window. Assign the tile cascade to a merge file and insert in a text equation box. Alternatively, write the letter out longhand and put it in a drawer.
Advice on Using the Spreadsheet Facility: Don't.
Troubleshooting Section: You will have many, many problems with your computer. Here are some common problems and their solutions. Problem: My computer won't turn on. Solution: Check to make sure the computer is plugged in; check to make sure the power button is in the 'On' position; check the cables for damage; dig up underground cables in your garden to check for damage; drive out into the country and check pylons for fallen wires; call hotline. Problem: My keyboard doesn't seem to have any keys. Solution: Turn the keyboard up the right way. Problem: My mouse won't drink its water or go on the spinning wheel. Solution: Try a high-protein diet or call your pet shop support line. Problem: My computer is a piece of useless junk. Correct - and congratulations. You are now ready to upgrade to an Anthrax/3000 Turbo model, or go back to pen and paper.
Post by Locutus deBorg on Oct 20, 2015 15:41:11 GMT -6
MS Licensed "Start me up" for win 95 release, (funny thing is there's a line in that song: "You make a grown man cry" I'm sure win 95 did that to many users)
for win 10tanic they should License one or more of the 80's / 90's "stalker" songs
MS Licensed "Start me up" for win 95 release, (funny thing is there's a line in that song: "You make a grown man cry" I'm sure win 95 did that to many users)
for win 10tanic they should License one or more of the 80's / 90's "stalker" songs
MS Licensed "Start me up" for win 95 release, (funny thing is there's a line in that song: "You make a grown man cry" I'm sure win 95 did that to many users)
for win 10tanic they should License one or more of the 80's / 90's "stalker" songs
Windows X - Waiting in Vain Windows 7 - Nothing Compares 2 U Win X - I'd rather go Blind Win X - Born Under a Bad Sign Win X - The Thrill is Gone Win X - River of Tears Win X - Tears in Heaven Win X - The Final Countdown Win X - Hopeless Win X - It all came crashing down Win x - Ten long years Win X - The Fool on the hill Win X - Paranoid Win X - Into the Void Win 7 - Shelter from the storm Win X - Oh No Win X - Leave me alone Win X - Near the End Win X - Sorry seems to be the hardest word Win X - Still got the blues Win X - The Bomber Win X - Walk Away Win X - Sisesiqhingini (Everything Is So Stupid) Win X - Dazed and Confused Win X - Goodbye Win X - Are we in trouble now Win X - So What Win X - Madness Win X - Brain Damage Win X - On the turning away Win X - Raving & drooling Win X - In the dark places Win X - Darkness, darkness Win X - Enough Win X - Disaster Button Win X - Shut your eyes Win X - Preyed upon Win X - Don't believe a word Win X - Bad
You may be an engineer... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you can name six Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive is through e-mail. If your wristwatch has more computing power than a 486DX-50. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something else than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb on the string. If you window-shop at Radio Shack. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run. If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage-door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor-driven. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush. If you have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside. If a team of you and your coworkers has set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception. If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project. If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts. If you have never backed up your hard drive. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is". If you see a good design and still have to change it. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your question. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers but you don't remember where they are. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal. If you have more toys than your kids. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work. If your IQ is bigger than your weight. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them. If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal sign and know what RPN stands for. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal. If you know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music. If you did the sound system for your senior prom. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers. If you spend more on your home computer than your car. If you know what http:// stands for. If you've ever tried to repair a $5 radio. If your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory. If you laptop computer costs more than your car. If your four basic food groups are: 1. caffeine, 2. fat, 3. sugar, 4. chocolate. /x /z
You may be an engineer... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you can name six Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive is through e-mail. If your wristwatch has more computing power than a 486DX-50. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys. If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something else than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb on the string. If you window-shop at Radio Shack. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run. If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage-door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor-driven. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush. If you have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside. If a team of you and your coworkers has set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception. If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project. If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts. If you have never backed up your hard drive. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is". If you see a good design and still have to change it. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your question. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers but you don't remember where they are. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal. If you have more toys than your kids. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work. If your IQ is bigger than your weight. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them. If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal sign and know what RPN stands for. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal. If you know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music. If you did the sound system for your senior prom. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers. If you spend more on your home computer than your car. If you know what http:// stands for. If you've ever tried to repair a $5 radio. If your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory. If you laptop computer costs more than your car. If your four basic food groups are: 1. caffeine, 2. fat, 3. sugar, 4. chocolate. /x /z
if you use 3/4" galvanized strapping inside the PC case to hold all manner of items from Fans to HDD / SSD
I find the lack of configuration options disturbing !
I felt a great disturbance in the force.. as if millions of win 7 systems suddenly cried out in terror.
Ricky, you might be an engineer if, at social gatherings someone asks about what you do at work, and your answers are met with glassy eyes, faux smiles, and a lot of "uh huh, that sounds really interesting" responses.
<Rick> Good video. It's almost hard to believe that at one time Windows 98 was the resource hog, but even then, it still ran circles around what Windows 10 can do on today's modern hardware and look a heck of alot better doing it.
May 25, 2021 22:55:12 GMT -6
<Rick> As stated elsewhere, So much for the launch of Windows 11, "The Great Crash." Myself, I had a hard time getting into the site listed above, when I did get in, the video was partly done and then it crashed. There has been many other reports of crashing.
Jun 24, 2021 9:52:33 GMT -6
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<Rick> I see Microsoft has been very quick to pull down reports of site crashing regarding the Launch of Windows 11 on the Microsoft Insiders forum.
Jun 24, 2021 9:57:31 GMT -6
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<Rick> The rebroadcast is working okay.
Jun 24, 2021 11:00:25 GMT -6
<Rick> With reports of people being able to install the dev-edition of Windows 11 on machines not meeting spec, I thought I would give it a what-the-heck try. Lucky me, I'm caught in the downloading, doesn't meet spec, clearing, re-downloading loop on my machine!
Jul 2, 2021 7:08:46 GMT -6
<Rick> I've recently purchased a license for ArcaOS from www.arcanoae.com/ to play with. First impressions, it's still OS/2, but it now has a Linux twist to it.
Jul 2, 2021 7:32:53 GMT -6
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<dozrguy> laptop shit out and am stuck buying a new one. os win11 as fucked as win10 was?
Oct 2, 2021 12:56:10 GMT -6
<Rick> Let's see ..., my impression of Windows 11 is that it is a spruced up version of Windows 10 requiring a 64-bit processor plus a piece of security hardware that is less than 4 years old in order for it to run.
Oct 4, 2021 18:25:49 GMT -6
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<Rick> On the plus side, Microsoft is supposed to be supporting Windows 10 for some time to come for those of us still using systems with I7 or older processors.
Oct 4, 2021 18:44:35 GMT -6
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<dozrguy> i tried installing win10 om the 'shitout' pc this morning usung media creation. EPIC FAIL! went into an endless bootloop. win7 reinstalled just fine
Oct 21, 2021 11:23:38 GMT -6
<dozrguy> STILL so much bullshit and so little time for the kiddie ideas from the hill. My new laptop (MSI GE 11-UH461) would be an awesome "10" machine but because of Winblows I can only give it a "2"......wasted $3500
Oct 27, 2021 9:36:47 GMT -6
<Rick> Hello. Just checking in.
Mar 17, 2022 10:46:54 GMT -6
<isidroco> Each new w10 update adds >100000 useless files to \Windows\Servicing\LCU\Package_for_RollupFix... folders. Even in a SSD takes time to delete that stuff. In each version they manage to worsen stuff.
Mar 27, 2022 16:14:51 GMT -6
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<dozerguy> still traffic here?
Oct 9, 2022 17:32:44 GMT -6
<Rick> No, there does not seem to be very much traffic these days. I still check in from time to time.
Oct 9, 2022 20:08:58 GMT -6